hell of procrastinator(s)


As the semester began, I was whirling for arranging my schedule for many students. Trust me that I didn’t pretend to be the busiest person in the universe. Many expatriate who are even busier than me, yet they can handle the entire bloody bustle adorably by making a very tight schedule and of course stick to it punctually. My habits until senior high school was listing the schedule each day in my mind, but starting undergraduate study I could not really count on my mind and chamber the brain carefully for the arranged schedule. I broke the schedule as I need more time for certain subjects to be dug or some assignments to be placed in the first priority of completion. Further, I discovered myself as an obsessed reviewer of certain subjects that I fond of until I unconsciously repeated them several times just for the satisfaction of understanding and development of the knowledge that I could store in my subconscious mind. It is simply concluded as “eternal insanity of mine that I will freeze for myself as my ultimate strength of learning to the core”.

Next, how does the schedule work at the end? Successful is nearly massive victory, but I will reveal that I gain the exquisite pain as the students’ interest does not do utmost. Analysis is always becoming my highest pleasure upon myself. Mostly, my schedule has already been completely determined for both parties also some spare time for holiday and breathe the air. As I mentioned before, that I gain the pain. Literal meaning of pain is thinking the most acceptable duration for reaching the target, putting aside my own holiday that I have during weekend for the extra services, keeping my eyes standby for answering the questions, tuning my sensitivity to the student’s feeling and situation that they face at specific time, and else. Undeniably, I always meet the typical procrastinator students. In a very wide range of performing delay and inconsistency of clinging to the schedule, I will not summarize the group based on the gender. Validity of the conclusion may create controversy.

What is the most enchanted lesson learned that I gain from them? The girt! Confidently, I am uncontrollably steadfast with positivity until the last bell ring. The consistency of staying in the line even though the distractions are really tempting is something that I called the girt. Prone to be equal as perseverance. Others might protest that I have no tolerance on reaching the target accurately by the time set. But, I will reveal that if you want to have extra fresh air, then double the effort and maximize the attempt. If it is nearly obtaining the winning, then it doesn’t mean that we are successful. Complete the whole concept of hard work until the victory is legalized, then celebrate. So, the procrastinator of this type is really the wacky one, since he/she accumulates the hurt and the hope at once in the same place and time inside the darkness of incapability of changing the reality. Destructing mind, leaving the un-bandaged scar, and imprisoning the competences!



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tyrant and prisoners



Righteously many traditions on killing people instantly,
but, I prefer to make a person dying
one, each year continuously
with the most cruel assignments

Properly many methods to assassin a boss immediately,
but, they prefer to be loyal
once they set their feet in the promising stage
with every single drop of blood that they sacrificed

I am the tyrant,
who is too amusing to be stabbed once on the center of my heart and die straightly
They are the prisoners,
who are too dynamic to be released after one year and free my hands suddenly

Don’t you think that we are matched from Heaven?
let my life just being taken after I am ready to let go of your hands
for not being able to define the limited time end, please forgive me 

Be steadfast, our circle must last until the universe being destroyed

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Discussion is the richest activity that I can conclude among other activities further in my life. In a nutshell, I always enjoy the discussion even though I am just a listener.  What’s the most interesting topic to be discussed so far? Mostly, I don’t have any objections about the topic as long as it is useful and worth, except gossiping. Some gossips, usually I just hear without any power of dismissing or diverting to another useful one. Let’s summarize that it is my greatest weakness among girls. Can I be categorized as female gender? I am just versatile; both sexes can be adjusted easily in certain interval of time.

Majority, I converse with all the gender and age in all varieties of conversation topics. In the last 5 years, I dealt with college students intensively so that the most popular subject is academic things especially my prominent major which is structural engineering. Never believe my looks, since I haven’t got all the understanding in structural engineering that massive and fluent. What I try to construct until now is the ambience of discussion without being judged of silly question to be questioned. Specifically, all the questions are the most silly one; it depends on how confident the person to ask. During class, most of the students are not really into of asking a single question due to many reasons. That is why, my desk is always open for students to discuss and ask. Moreover, another business may rise to be the topic of discussion such as Korean drama, games, pouring heart, and other unpredictable topics.

Once, I have unforgettable experiences about the most critical student ever. Named him Krisna. He was one of my advisee, but ever since he was my student in the second semester, he was one of the most ravenous about knowledge during class or outside. I told you something that he was spending most of the discussion for his Bachelor thesis through Whatsapp chats. At first, I was a bit uncertain on how he understood my answers through chats. But, later I recognized that he was avid of books and software so that he always confirmed all my explanations by himself through books and practice it if it is related to software. Unbelievable that it was really effective and efficient on him without my existence then the knowledge can be absorbed maximum. What a fabulous experience that I store for once!

Regarding the most essential conversation, I discuss with a small number of student in my circle about their research interest. One day that I will keep it as the most pleased moment was when I talked about anti-symmetric geometry with Andrey and Aji regarding the paper that I assigned for them to be conceived. They argued that symmetric and anti-symmetric were just the same. Quiet some of time needed for explaining the concept of anti-symmetric, as I found the way of using the anti-symmetric loading for the simplest one to be utilized. Finally, it was solved. Andrey even searched in Google translator on how to pronounce “anti-symmetric” as he didn’t believe on how I pronounced it well. We laughed a lot just to make sure each other about the concept, moreover to convince them that “anti-symmetric” was really a vocabulary and it is really exist.

Further, I discovered another fun fact about anti-symmetric personality between them. Andrey was a typical consistent introvert; generally he always kept the track on his own with a high alarm of being investigated. He usually noticed if he would be trapped by my questions. Actually, I just did it for understanding his personality, besides we talk professionally in accordance of academic stuffs. He was brilliant in mastering something without being needed of personal assistance from a tutor or teacher. My concern until now is just disturbance that he has on controlling himself due to his mood. Not yet to be detected, since it was a big homework for me that I haven’t solved it good until now. What about Aji? He was also another brilliant with deeper thinking regarding problems confided to him. He mostly got wrenched due to his own analysis and ended up with frustration. Perfection is one of his prides until he cannot be easy on himself to reach his own satisfaction on completing something. Also, for knowledge he is avid of beating all at once. Frankly, he is being burnt by his own rating of gaining the best. At least it is still fun and defied to be conquered. Both of them are the brilliants that I treasure which are like moon and the sun in personality. Learning from their behavior is another happy moment to be applied on myself if it is possible. The probability of being excellent as them is a complete No, but I love certain way on how they deal with academic things.


Mazy can be the disability of chambering the brain properly. Symmetric must be accurately the same from both side, but as the portrait of different angle was taken then un-symmetric or anti-symmetric will rise outstandingly

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brilliant “silver lining”


Either dark cloud or white cloud will always have its own silver lining to indicate the shape. Inside of us might change abruptly or wonderfully due to problems, insults, achievements, acknowledgements and so on; but silver lining will always appear as long as the light approaches. It is obviously different from the black shadow; it is the true self of always needing the good side to be exposed in the very front even though the darkness inside is not easy to be warped up exquisitely. Be alive continuously while fitting the best ribbon to turn it chic.

The proverb of “Every cloud has a silver lining” has insight for my own so that I can have more time to observe and analyze before coming into conclusion. Regarding to an individual, I would like to gift the “silver lining” for this brilliant student that I know for less than a year, Muhammad Aji Fajari. It didn’t cross my mind at all for being able to have a very long chats ever since I chose him to be in the squad. How come that I didn’t detect his ability to talk much, even talkative during the virtual chats! Taciturn, avid of numbers and equations, indifferent, obedient, and punctual are some characters that I perceive regarding this student at first. Fortunately, those are still embedded intact with him as I am working on some projects with him. Henceforth, more character and personality revealed as the conversation go diversely varied along time.

Mechanics of structure 2 was the first class that I met him. Usually, I can sense the students who have more understandings by the first time I met them. The glitch of sense it wrong maybe fifty-percent, but even though I did it wrong another interesting facts may rise in the future that he/she is prominent in other field. This silver lining is not a typical student that I need to put more attention since he can master my course easily without any significant obstacles. My principle, as long as the students have no further questions either in class or personal chat then I will consider that the lecture can be digested nicely. Another parameter is their performance during their first post test that I mostly conduct after lecturing. No doubt of his comprehension for chewing my lecture, but one day at class he came to me for asking on how to build the moment diagram that he forgot a bit. Short explanation, then he could get back the memory on how to do it. I was a bit unsure whether he did want to refresh and find the answer or just tested me on how I understand the subject. Just my suspicious mind and I did not make it more complicated to be solved. I met many smarts in my life, so he was one of that categories that I will be proud of knowing him. As simple as that!

The following semester, he met me in three different subjects. Mostly, that typical semester is the beginning of hard days for students for facing me before they start to hate me to the paramount in the next semester. English class is fun for me, but not for the students. I always try to be consistent as far as I can for only using English for the whole class. Interestingly, he impressed me starting from the first homework that he created on fabulous and flawless grammar in the format of complex sentences. Often, a person who is nerd of numbers and equations will not have good sense upon language. But, for him English is just a piece of cake that he can master it wholly. After, I also find out his vocabulary is giant and massive. His extravagant excellence leads me to another bold dazzling idea for involving him into my evil circle. The tyrant is me definitely, but I enjoy it pretty good on making my squad realize how should live be treated. No more games to be prioritized, the hard days is the game itself to be conquered. Deadline is chasing with no mercy until the wonderful bedtime should be re-scheduled. How does it work on him? I guess he is still in the middle of adapting, he even stated it will be habit after 21 times (or 20 something, I forgot) of repetition.

Move to his learning method, I thought he was an audiovisual person. YouTube was one of his main resources for absorbing the knowledge. One day, I had ever asked something regarding his way of learning either watching the lecture was more than enough to construct the knowledge and remember all the detail things. He just easily said “yes”. It is more than fantastic to understand serial of basic of calculations and concepts in Civil Engineering just by watching. I do envy him a lot, since I cannot just watch and do nothing like making notes, scratches, or else to be stored in my long-term memory. Mentioning the word lazy was another statement that he always attached for himself. The conclusion is not that valid since he watched like a nerd on books, so that must be the most effective path on him store the knowledge. Interestingly, he often came up with an idea that he laughed down at the same time. Silly combines with pessimistic were something that I labeled on him sometimes. Takes time to convince that having idea is priceless. The drawbacks and weaknesses are always lies together with the strengths and pluses. At first, I would not say that it was easy to discuss and conduct research with him but it is a big worth to work on with a person who hesitate many things even his own idea. I will say that hesitating is also part of conducting research.

What else should I comment? I always am good in this part. Regarding his way of revealing ideas in the format of simple discussion or performing presentation are something that he needs to improve. Kind of the opposite once I remark his skill on typing during chats and having direct discussion is like the moon and the sun. Completely confusing at first, but it is getting a bit better now. Pouring the ideas on the chats and papers seem to be easier for him rather than talking directly. I think it is just about the habit, the quiet converses with himself/herself mostly so that he/she never finds any blank spot that might create confusion or misunderstanding. As I analyze his handwriting, I am totally astonished on how much he understood upon something or maybe on how much he wanted to reveal about everything that is why I notice some systematic is a bit problem even though he tried really hard to make it tidy and understandable. So, no need to be surprised if you saw so many cross lines and inserted idea everywhere. For me, just find your own style on how the ideas being brainstormed. It is also someone’s masterpiece which cannot be infringed easily. Perfection will always be imperfection as we repeat and remake.

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Warm “Sunshine”

The most profound search of ours is ambition. Whether it will be bias in meaning, ambition can be the dream with the rocket power. It urges to be accomplished and executed until we forget that relativity may turn into absolutism.


When does the sun usually shine bright? Regarding my time zone, I will exclaim that there is eternal sunshine exist in my life. No need the specific division of latitude and longitude for proving it, I state that it is the absolute of my time zone. This sunshine has the gender of female, name her Ines Wahyuniati Riza who is living in remote galaxy called Tangerang. Sorry girl, I just haven’t found out the beauty of this galaxy until I call “remote”. She is an everlasting sunshine for me and maybe sky walker “Dewanti” as well, so again the time will be undefined. Basically, this girl was the successor of my first student that I tagged along for the international conference after the sky walker. Japan is her fancy adorable place that always makes her uneasy to move forward after. She is the figure of “baper” individual that I notice for the first time and probably the acute one. Throughout her undergraduate study, she was destined to be under my surveillance from the very start. Unfortunately, I was her academic guardian lecturer for about 4 years of completion of her study at Civil Engineering Department, State University of Jakarta. As the time went by, I was also becoming her supervisor for many things such as competitions, internship, and bachelor thesis.

Noticing her ambitious behavior but cheerful person, she is a consistent and lustrous in achieving the target even though it is set by others. My bloody ambitions can be carried out superbly by her for the last two years of her involvement with my evil circle. One day, she expressed that she will be just nothing without my target applied on her. But, that was not 100% true. Her active and initiative attitude is her most superiority that I will not dodge for sure. Her participation on Mawapres selection for the first time in 2015 was the great leap in our department that also encourage me to be consistent in enforcing a small number of students with a prominent excellence to participate in the year after. The ultimate victory is her becoming the representative of Faculty of Engineering in the following year (2016) to compete with other best candidates from other faculties. That must be her hard days since at first she decided not to join the event, but I bend on my knees to ask her shift the decision. It was her last semester which she needed to concentrate working on her bachelor thesis as she always reminded me that she didn’t want to extend her study. We made a deal. Astonishingly, she was able to go to university as the representative of Mawapres from the Faculty of Engineering and she could also complete her study on time. It was a worth transaction. I thought she would be worth of the medal of persistence, if there was an extra category at Mawapres selection. I admire you to death girl!

Let’s move on to her journey on the international conference event. That was the most marvelous part that I will scratch here. After I was back from Taiwan in 2014, I quickly elected to have the successor for the sky walker so that I will keep consistent in this track. Completely different way from the sky walker, I took her for eating out with the sky walker in order to convince her to be in the team. We ate ice cream and fast food at the famous fast food restaurant, since I couldn’t afford something fancy for eating out for a very important future MOU. She was anxious, and asked me to give some time before telling her decision. In a nutshell, she accepted the offer. One day, before we went back to Jakarta from Osaka, she revealed something surprising that she had a never-ending stomachache from the day she agreed to be in the team until the conference day was fulfilled. I laughed out loud for receiving that confession, yet I was proud of her for being able to complete the mission securely and of course with pride.  ACCMES 2015 was her first shot of doing research presentation. Together with the sky walker she took the energy quantification as the subject of her research. The focus was about the roof configuration of the residential houses in the slum area in Kwitang. How did the presentation go? No doubt that she can conquer it nicely. Thousands of practices were the keys. For the second chance in Tokyo, she was even better than before. Her English is fantastic and fabulous. So, now the readers may summarize that I was taking the soul of the students’ youth in order to live longer. Yes, I am that notorious.

Actually, the nickname of “sunshine” was given by the sky walker. Firstly, I don’t take serious thinking regarding it. But, once I recalled my memories back with her for about 4 years, I will convince that it matches her suitably. Representation of a hard working attitude regarding her ambition is the prolific individual on her. She almost never had doubts on accomplishing my quest even though I knew that she got the bloods and tears in order to try to meet my preference. Thank God that she keeps her cheerful personality after all the suffering target that I invest on her. Keep it consistent girl, you do know how to train yourself.

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Dream is a real fuel for breaking the myth of the impossible into possible. The youngster with a big dream and modest altitude is a manifest of successful personal in the future, and she brings the future today. I am more than proud to know you. The best mobile dictionary of life that I can consume as my nutrition of being positive in every way.

How should I start to describe this fantastic girl, the famous sky-walker ID. It is such a fortune to know her and have a good friendship until now, hopefully until we meet again in Heaven insya Alloh. At first, she was my student for several subjects taken during her undergraduate study in the Department of Civil Engineering, State University of Jakarta. Was she smart? I would confidently say, she was and she is until now. Acknowledging her other talent such as sketching and writing, you must be amazed as well as me for distinguishing her personally. I just have not noticed her other talent from now on, yet she has many for sure. She has a skill for making friends and involving in a weird situation sometimes, what a genius skill that I even envy her ultimately. No, I do feel honored to be engaged to her marvelous life.

Taiwan was the first country that we went together for a conference. I guessed it was started around the final year of 2013 that I decided to take her along. What a crazy decision that I made that time, but I never regretted until now. Many considerations for choosing her as my first student to participate in an international conference, which most of the participants are the professionals and graduate students. Let’s say that I watched and observed her skills and competences regarding her academic and social interaction at campus, but I would confess that she embraced me with her charm. Wasn’t it subjective? Not at all, I had done the list of her qualifications upon her English, her curiosity for conducting research, her skill for doing analysis, her steadfast attitude for accomplishing a command, her seriousness for keeping in the track for the schedule made, her ability for arranging the timeline wisely, her capability for managing the stress, and else. Those are still becoming my criteria for selecting the student(s) to be the team of the international conference. Simply, she met all the criteria that I set and I offered her for the plan. It was just a simple conversation, yet she was very excited to accept it with tons of energy to execute it nicely. Her energy of always being optimistic is awesome. She can easily spread it to her surroundings, even for strangers. No hesitation of taking chances and full of positivity.

Idea for blowing up the indigenous character of vernacular house of eastern part of Indonesia was presented in Taiwan on May 2014. Don’t ask me about her performance, she was cool. You cannot compare her to my bad-ass presentation. The confidence of her while delivering the presentation was totally the result of her practices in many events that she ever joined in the past. The undergraduate student with many experiences during her early youth is really precious for today. As I believe in practices make perfect, she has proven my principal. A professor noticed her as the undergraduate student, yet he was proud including my Professor. This situation also happened when we were joining the conference in Osaka in the next year. That time I took one more student, Ines the sunshine girl whom I plan to write about her as well next. Again, the professor might think that I was crazy for tagging undergraduate students for conducting research presentation abroad. But, I am already crazy ever since I was born. All the situations might be the trigger for me being notorious for involving the brilliant to be in the tight squeezing situation as I experience. Successfully, she can endure my insanity. Bravo, girl!

Osaka was another wonderful experience which I set my feet for the first time in Japan. Summer breeze was really scented as I watched the maple leaves fell down on the park on August 2015. She was performing another fabulous presentation in this city. I was a bit relaxed for this since I had already owned this kind of experience in Taiwan. Different research was proposed related to energy quantification which is taken the oldest slum area in Kwitang as the example. By making a solid collaboration with Ines, she was a good tutor for her junior that I can count on her fervently. Some surveys must be done for getting valid data before performing the analysis. Fascinatingly, she digested and learnt so many new things on her own for some time whilst I provided only supporting papers to sharpen her paper. So many good things she can act flawlessly, so that I am being helped and blessed until now. A true learner is inside her, combine with the curiosity and vigorous determination makes it an exquisite individual.

Pursuing her higher degree is also another best part of her life that I want to immortalize here. The persistence for always focusing on the dream and never-losing-hope behavior is her superiority that I should acknowledge until the end. I was -in majority during the process of getting her scholarship in Beijing Jiao Tong University- being the witness of her hard days of passing many challenges to be passed for about one year after her graduation. The LOA from Taiwan and Australia was the warranty of her quality for being eligible as the graduate student abroad with the Civil Engineering as her major to be dived. All the scholarship processes had been undergone with tears and smiles, but as I mentioned before that she had a heart of steel for always taking a good side of each failure as the path of being closer to victory. She is in Beijing now to draw and put more colors on her life, which will be one of the most graceful one before she steps on another dreams to be true.

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sweet depression, crispy frustration..

Should I have some time for tea and biscuits during unofficial holiday at school..? Do I really need that..? Yet, time is too precious to be just wasted without any productive outputs in a day. But, don’t consider that my prolific activities are really remarkable. For business, I can’t be considered as voluminous. My hobby of writing even doesn’t create any cash. This blog is harshly disregarded for several years for a simple reason of “having no time” even though the ideas pop up uncontrollably in a day. I will declare a perfect excuse for this as I don’t really care about the coins (but I care more about the jewelry :D), since I look up something meaningful during my writing, at least for myself.


Experiencing a situation with the highest tense and eerie is completely occurred for every human being. For some, they focus on eliminating and evading the causes through exhausting efforts and energy. Are they silly and superficial..? Not constantly they are. Bombing the source of problem could be the best way of absolute removal. No traces are left behind. Others may consider another option which is subtle but uphill. They can be grouped as philosopher, deep thinker, or logical-minded person. Cave must be their suitable places of living and contemplating. In contrary, they are just a “simple” but “genuine” in personality.

Let’s probe about the characteristics. Deliberating that every problem will absolutely gather with the solution, so invest that knowledge in your subconscious mind for the quick call while you need it. I would like to bold the fairy words of Master Oogway “inner peace”. Emotionally, we need to have a strict control of ourselves, either mind or soul. If you are able to go depth and detail, then you can specify more about yourself. There are also some other dimensions taking control. Does it seem to be mystical discussion..? I convince that it’s not, just apply it on yourself to know the inside-out of yourself. It’s totally awesome until we’re amazed on how Alloh SWT can shape us into the best creature with its crazy complexity.

Lock the “emotion” part as our key for simplification. Positive emotion should be underlined so that we can cooperate with our “logical mind” to think systematically. There are some rituals that we can pick as our favorite to balance our mental emotion, such as praying, dzikir, reciting Qur’an, etc. Systematic can be troublesome if we don’t have much experience in facing diverse problems, so it’s better using “simple”. Think simple, moreover if you don’t have much energy. Bombing the problems is probably taken aside even though it comes first. Be careful about that “simple thoughts”, it might come first in our mind, but it might also be the most impossible to do. So, re-think. Don’t be lazy for digging another “unpredictable” option of solutions. Keep it and record it good, since we’ll never know when is the precise occasion to implement it.

My habit of words is kind of bizarre. I would like to introduce something that I sometimes do regarding wrench situation. Finding the antonym and merge it. It works successfully, sometimes I laugh also. Please refer to the title of this article “sweet depression, crispy frustration”. If you don’t get it, I will give some explanations by using my favorite snack. 🙂

Ice cream is a perfect phrase for the contradictory words inside. Ice associates with heartless, inhumane, less sensitive, or else that you can describe. Whilst, Cream translates as delicate, tender, sugary, and so on. But, once it mingles into “ice cream”, the word cream is much predominant either physical or meaning than ice. Believe me that each word has the antonym, but how many of us are able to juxtapose and establish a new phrase where the “meaningful taste” rises into new perspective.

Ice cream is my sweet depression, while cake was my crispy frustration. Better decide mineral water as my fresh saturation, at the same time hot chocolate for my charming anger. 🙂

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